My heart went out to the character, Angus Tully, in Holdovers, when his mother calls him at his boarding school and tells him he has to stay there over Christmas break due to a change in his family’s plan.
Holdovers is set in the early 1970s. With no smart phones or even computers, there is no escaping the boredom of the situation for the students and the staff left to care for them.
The performances and story of Holdovers beautifully brought me in and took me along on the hard-fought journey of growth for the two main characters - Tully and the professor who is required to chaperone the students.
Discomfort to Connection
Tully and Professor Hunham are forced to spend one-on-one time together, and in doing that, they and their relationship are transformed. I loved the movie - especially the “entre nous” moments.
Responsibilities
Recently at my church, Father Wolf cautioned us that he sees people handing over too many responsibilities that they need to keep.
He gave the example of thinking that prescriptive medicines alone will keep you healthy. “It doesn’t work that way. You have to do your part to stay healthy through lifestyle choices.”
With technology doing more and more tasks for us like providing us directions, drafting meeting notes, reminding us of birthdays, and suggesting gifts to buy, we can blame the technology when we don’t get the outcome we want, instead of owning it.
I understood his point. Just imagine:
“I missed the meeting. Sorry, Maps sent me the wrong way.”
“The AI generated notes didn’t capture that action. Sorry, I didn’t do it.”
“I missed your birthday. Sorry, Siri didn’t remind me.”
He quickly went on say that with relationships, it’s the same. We can’t put our hands up when we are struggling with someone and say, “There’s nothing I can do about it.
Workplace Relationships
This got me thinking about those of us who spend a lot of time working virtually. We can’t blame our virtual way of working for workplace relationships that are weak. We need to own putting in the time and doing the needed work on those relationships.
When we aren’t bumping into one another regularly at work or out in the world, we have to create constructs for connection in order form relationships.
Try these practices for getting to know others at work:
Cross Functional Groups: Small Talk Time
Show up at virtual meetings early, with your camera on and your phone unmuted. Get small talk going and keep the warm banter going until the meeting starts.👋
Your Team: Drop in
Block out “drop in” time weekly on your calendar. Let your team know they can call you during these times to talk about anything workwise, or just to say hello. 🤙
When they call, be sure to ask them about their weekend and what they do for fun. Share with them what’s going in your personal life. With each conversation get to know each other better.
Your Peers: Impromptu Phone Calls
Have your instant message show “available” ✅ when you can take a phone call. Encourage your peers to do the same. When you haven’t connected in a few days, call them, just to say good morning or hello. This is the conversation you woud have if you were walking by their office and just stepping in for 5 minutes to catch up.
Offer them encouragement or a fun story. Leave them energized and feeling better than they did before speaking with you.
Your Boss: Make it routine
Learn your boss’s routine. Figure out when they most likely would welcome a pleasant and quick call from you. ☎️
This may take a few times to figure out.
When you connect, have something light and interesting to share. Be positive. Be brief. Be the person they love to hear from.
Key Points
Real connection grows in the quiet spaces between words—trust is built not by grand gestures, but by small, honest exchanges.
Leadership and love both thrive entre nous—between us—when we listen with care and show we can be trusted with what’s shared.