When I my eldest child started preschool, I noticed a few mothers at drop-off who were wearing workout gear and had already worked out! At the pickup, I approached one of them and introduced myself. I learned they were going to a 5:30 am spin class at our local YMCA. It allowed them to slip out of the house when everyone else was asleep and be back in time for the morning routine of getting everyone up and out. I wanted in. I knew I needed some regular exercise. What I didn't know at the time, but quickly came to appreciate is that I also needed some predictable camaraderie.
In early 2022, I found myself in a similar predicament. Working virtually from an empty home in a city that was discouraging in-person exercise classes due to COVID precautions, I could feel myself getting too low. Since I could work virtually, I decided a change of scenery would help me. I headed to Florida for a few weeks. There the local community center was offering in-person spin classes beginning at 7 am.
When I arrived that first morning, Donna, who led the class, immediately embraced me into her small band of early am spinners. At the end of class, she predicted to the class that "Colleen will be here tomorrow." The next morning when I arrived, I saw she had already set up "my bike." She greeted me by name and said to the class, "I knew Colleen would come back!"
Everyone cheered.
I felt myself tearing up in a good way. The in-person support, camaraderie and energy were the daily vitamins I needed to lift my spirits. My favorite part of class became when Donna yelled over the blaring music to the group "Why do we come to spin class?" To that, we would all bellow back, "Because we can!"
Each day, I felt a bit better. When it was time for me to head back north, I let Donna know how much I appreciated her.
Recently, I heard a term for people like Donna. They are called "Warm Demanders." This term was coined by educator Judith Kleinfled and I love it for the workplace, especially now.
Warm Demander leaders are good at knowing when to offer emotional comfort and care and when not to allow someone to slip into helplessness.
They combine personal warmth or caring with something called, "active demandingness."
Active demandingness isn't no-nonsense firmness with regard to behavior, but rather an insistence on excellence and effort. This combination gives the leader the right to push for excellence and stretch the employee to beyond their comfort zone.
Sounds awesome to me.
Leaders, Let's be warm demanders. Why should we do this?
"Because we can!" and because our team members need us to lead in this way, especially now.
Generation Z is demonstrating an alarming mental health uptick and many experts attribute it to their underdeveloped or atrophied social muscles, what I call In Real Life Business Skills (IRL Biz Skills). They are less likely to recognize they are "getting too low" and need some human interaction.
Show you care by making sure each of your team members is engaging with someone in-person every day. Especially, make it a point to get your early career employees in the office. Join them there and role model the essential In Real Life business practices that promote community at work and are simply good for us.
Human brains are wired to seek out others - they have been since caveman times. It has to do with us needing the group for the basics, like food and protection from predators. Studies have shown when we feel left out or alone we are less able to problem solve, we are more negative, and our health suffers.
Reach out to me if you are looking for ways to promote IRL business skill development in your workplace. I have practical actions you can start now.
Key Points
- Warm Demander leadership — blending emotional support with high expectations — is crucial to helping employees, especially Gen Z, build in-person connection and resilience at work.
- In Real Life (IRL) business skills like camaraderie and face-to-face engagement can dramatically improve mental health and team performance in hybrid and remote workplaces.